https://news.vice.com/article/turkish-academics-talk-about-living-in-fear-its-the-final-stage-of-a-witch-hunt

It all started with a World Cup...

Exile is sometimes simultaneously both good and bad. Last month has been more on the bad side of my pseudo-exile*.  My independence always weighed more than patriotism, though I probably became more patriotic over the years, while becoming so detached from any state that I fought each fight that convinced me to fight for. 

As a journalist I witnessed so many movements challenging authority, some won, some were repressed, some died, some changed to the dark side...but I missed the only movement I have always dreamt of, a heterogeneous urban apolitical uprising against injustice, born in my city. 

As it grew, I became more anxious and sad that I was not a part of it. The moment I settled down in a place with a job, a man, a dog, and an awesome apartment that was built with so much love and memories, people finally decided to react to the ongoing repression. 

I often think that an uprising of that magnitude would happen over here, as it almost did in early 2000, lasted until 2006, and suddenly disappeared in this continent. I fought for indigenous rights, land reform, labor, environment, abortion, gay marriage...Imagine my sense of feeling useless and far when there was a fight that actually was mine. 

A wise man told me that it is not what or who you fight for, principals count. Still think he invented this thought because he once went through what i am going through now and wanted to feel better about it. 

Over the last 3 weeks i came to accept my situation and i am capable of doing at this moment. Tweeting, writing, and thank god of those Brazilians who started a similar movement right here in my arms reach, i am once again observing a brother/sister who is fighting for rights, and i am here to report on it as i always do. 

Hasta la victoria siempre! 

Venceremos! 

* I am not exiled, yet, it is an unconventional immigration, immigration for education and experience, not for economical reasons. I decided to go back a couple of times, if only something like this happened right then, i probably would have moved back. Kismet! as we say in Turkish, mine seems to be on this side of the hemisphere. 

World without Hugo

Charismatic and controversial, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez was without a doubt the most influential Latin American leader of his generation. 

Our paths crossed for the first time in Canada, during the Presidential meeting of the Americas. I was a university student protesting the meeting, he was a recently elected President, the only among 37 that were inside the building who stand tall to US's new foreign policy, the FTAA...this movement later became my Master's thesis. I did not know back then I'd almost owe my career to Chavez. 

He was inspired by Latin American (Venezuelan) independence hero Simon Bolivar, and was a true son to Fidel Castro. When I lived in Cuba I saw him quite often, he visited Fidel, attended May 1st ceremonies, protests against the US, concert, what not.  While the oil prices rose in the world, he got richer, richer and richer. He nationalized the private oil industry in his country. He started distributing his money to the poor and those who needed a lot. Such as Cuba. He became in a way Cuba's savior. Cheap oil from Venezuela rescued Cuba's failing economy. Cuba paid its debt to Venezuela by sending  thousands of health workers, teachers, athletes, etc  to support  Chavez's social project for the poor. Venezuelan students flock to the island to study. Poor and unhealthy were treated in Cuban health facilities. Venezuelan and Cuban people became allies. Cuba once again was not all alone in the world. 

Since Hugo Chavez came to power in Venezuela in 1998, left-wing leaders who struggled to win elections in this continent started to become more and more popular, they began finding it hard to lose. Brazil, Argentina, Uruguay, Paraguay, Ecuador, Peru - all voted in left-wing presidents of varying shades, all inspired to some degree by Hugo Chavez.  World called it a s"pink tide" in Latin America.  Chavez's policies were more on the bright dark pink, rest of them did not go as far as him. They did not have to. Brasil chose a different path with Lula. Lula pulled his country from deficit, debt and corruption to become world's 4th strongest economy, so prosper that they lend money to IMF and to Portugal.

Chavez and his best friends/allies President Evo Morales of Bolivia, Rafael Correa of Ecuador and Fidel Castro even started an alternative economical front called ALBA, "a bolivarian alliance for the Americas" , an economical block that will help member countries to prosper and grow without depending on international funds or development programs with hidden agendas. Aside from ALBA, The Union of South American Nations (Unasur) and the Community of Latin American and Caribbean States (Celac) were all founded as part of the drive for regional integration. While Chavez was building institutions and blocks, my Master thesis was growing with new information and novelties. When I graduated, there was a left-wing south american spring was dominating the world. 

After I moved from Cuba, I thought I would not see much of Chavez, but i was wrong. He became a good friend of Nestor and Cristina Kirchner in Argentina. He bought millions of dollar worth bonds to save the country from its economical crisis. Nestor became a heroic president, thanks to him. After his death Chavez mourned together with entire nation. Today we are mourning for Chavez. It is a very sad day for Latin America indeed. 

He also became friends with actors and directors. Sean Penn and Oliver Stone, his close buddies even made  a movie about him. 

Yet another crossroad?

If you have been following this blog since the beginning or for a while,  you know that where I got today is the result of many random events! I left Istanbul 15 years ago to study journalism at NYU and come back as a potential editor for Vogue (or, later as I grew up, Vanity Fair). So much has happened since. Today, I am the proud and happy producer (and the host) of a weekly TV show, lucky to be able to realize my dream, enjoy it while doing it and be surrounded by an amazing team of colleagues. And as I was enjoying this moment of hard-earned glory, once again I found myself at a crossroads. Interestingly enough, this time, I am not looking at the situation as a crossroad but as a natural component of life.

I cannot deny that I am nervous, overworked and stresses out about what is waiting for me in the near future. That I am feeling a bit like an adult,  a bit like a scared shitless little girl.

The soundtrack of the moment is random but there is one song, a song that explains how I feel right now:

Le Long De La Route :

On n'a pas pris la peine
De se rassembler un peu
Avant que le temps prenne
Nos envies et nos voeux
Les images, les querelles
Du passé rancunier
Ont forgé nos armures
Nos coeurs se sont scellés

Rester seul dans son coin
Nos démons animés
Perdus dans nos dessins
Sans couleur, gris foncé
On aurait pu choisir
Le pardon, essayer
Une autre histoire d'avenir
Que de vouloir oublier

Prenons-nous la main
Le long de la route
Choisissons nos destins
Sans plus aucun doute
J'ai foi et ce n'est rien
Qu'une question d'écoute
D'ouvrir grand nos petites mains
Coûte que coûte

On n'a pas pris la peine
De se parler de nous
Nos fiertés tout devant
Sans pouvoir se mettre à genoux
Dans nos yeux transparents
Le mensonge sur nos dents
Impossible de le nier
Tout le corps révélé

Prenons-nous la main
Le long de la route
Choisissons nos destins
Sans plus aucun doute
J'ai foi et ce n'est rien
Qu'une question d'écoute
D'ouvrir grand nos petites mains
Coûte que coûte

Prenons-nous la main
Le long de la route
Essaye, vivre la vie
Glisser sans retenir

Et les mots ne sont que des mots
Pas les plus importants
On y met nos sens propres
Qui changent au gré des gens

C'est con, ce qu'on peut être con
A se cacher de soi même

C'est con, ce qu'on peut être con
Car l'autre n'est que le reflet de ce qu'on se met à couvert

Si nos je t'aime à l'entrée
Ne veulent pas nous figer
C'est le début de nos rêves
Qui tendent à se confirmer

C'est con, ce qu'on peut être con
A se cacher de soi-même

C'est con, ce qu'on peut être con
Car l'autre n'est que le reflet de ce qu'on se met à couvert

C'est con, ce qu'on peut être con
A se cacher de soi même

C'est con, ce qu'on peut être con
C'est con, ce qu'on peut être con
C'est con, ce qu'on peut être con

(Merci à Lauriane p

Entering 2012.....on a jetplane (part II)

 It was not so bad after all: aside from 8 people, a big group of Argy football players were on board (my karma, I guess) and needless to say we partied as much as we can to make the most of this New Years, up in the air : )

I

Entering 2012.....on a jetplane

I am about to board an airplane and celebrate the new year. A first time even for me.  I was really looking forward to this NY, even had everything planned, an amazing party in Rio de Janeiro, with bunch of friends. After so many horrible new year parties in the past 10 years, this was going to be a special one. BUT of course it isn't, and it is even worse this time, because I am all by myself---it could be different if I could be with someone, at least we could have fun---in an airplane. This is just gonna be a horrible night and I have to live with it. I heard that there is only 8 of us on board (on a second thought, this could mean more champagne for us, no? )

Yet another warm christmas.....

This is going to be my 10^th Christmas below the Ecuador line. I thought it would get easier over time. But I am still not used to the idea of decorating a palm tree instead of a pine. Call me old fashioned. I really don't care. For the infidels like me 24th of December is a celebration of good times, with good friends and it is a winter thing. I  guess you can this Turk out of the Northern hemisphere but can’t take the homey feeling of a real cold December out of her!

My home for the last 5 years, Paris of South America (a.k.a Buenos Aires), prepares for Christmas around November, as most cities do. Yet, for me, a lonely expat/agnostic international party girl,  aside from Jesus and Immaculate Conception scenes decorated here and there (not that I mind seeing them so much when it is contained in the house of God, but have issues with it in shopping malls and even inside public buses) it feels more like a pseudo-religious ceremony while getting ready for summer season. 

Comes November to this part of the continent, with the first sight of the sunlight, people flock to one among 100s of  parks around town to get a tan,  kids skip school, newly acquired pair of breasts (approx 20 thousand women get fake tits a year in this town) eagerly demonstrated in skimpy tank tops, yuppy narcisistic portenos hit the gym to built last minute six packs, etc. But by far the worst part of being an outsider witness to this hype,  those who have neither a family or enough money to escape Baires’ excruciating heat at this period,  is to see that most businesses around town start placing “we will be closed from December 24^th to January 15^th” signs on their front door.

 

The backdrop of celebrating Christmas in Buenos Aires, aside from not being able to eat good food, drink and be merry with friends and family, is having to be stuck in a city that totally shuts down as soon as the clock hits 12 pm on 24^{th ---} and does not come back to life until approximately end of February.  

I was lucky enough to escape this torture for the first couple of years in this country (I did not have a regular job, and I went to Uruguay). But since I do have professional obligations for the last 2 years, after starving during 2010, this year, in order to survive the week after the 25^th, I decided to stock up on groceries as I’d do before a hurricane, download as many movies I can (internet and electricity is not at all reliable during this period of time), and hope I will be invited to a house far enough from the city (and I can go with my dog Vinicius) or that the Christmas will go away fast!

Playlist# ? (Happy Morning Songs)

Weezer: Island in the Sun
Feist : 1234
The Doors: People are Strange
The Cure: Love cats
Audio BullysL: I'm In Love
The Avalanches: Since I Left You
Aretha Franklin: I Say A Little Prayer For You
Barry Louis Polisar (Juno Soundtrack) : All I Want Is You
The Vampire Weekend: Everywhere
Softcell: Tainted Love (Full mix)
Prince: Raspberry Beret
George Michael:  Flawless
Nil Karaibrahimgil: Hakkinda her seyi bilmek istiyorum (sekerli versiyon)