What is a "Good Catch"?
When you are over 25 and taking a vacation during July-August, you have to pack at least a couple of nice dresses and some cash--I have learned--because it is officially the wedding season in Northern Hemisphere.
I remember the days when I would come home for sumer break and immediately we would go to the coast with my friends from highschool and get trashed and sunburned and have a great time (?). Now I see them every weekend, if they are not the ones who are getting married, at somebody´s wedding, all dressed-up (men are once again lucky, they wear the same suit with a different tie at each wedding and they don´t have to suffer in this heat at the hairdresser) semi-drunk, sweaty and sometimes silly.
Last night was my third wedding in three weeks. It had its high points (I have actually seen friends that I love and missed a lot; very good classical turkish food was served at the buffet; and the bartender was making OK mojitos at the bar) but mostly it was one of those events I cannot help but thinking: what am I doing here instead of chilling in Gumusluk???
Since I witnessed many weddings and met many couples, and almost got hitched myself (I had nightmares when my ex discribed me how our wedding should be, and how many of his "close" family members of we had to invite there!).
This week´s wedding had at least some couple who seemed to be slightly passionate (PS: Aside from my friend Azman, who is crazy, I have not heard any turkish couple talk about sex or be passionate in public, so maybe my whole evaluation fails because I am not familiar with the culture anymore) but last week was a horror story. I was sitting in a table with couples sitting next to each other and looked like they are 105 years old and was about to be put in a grave or something. Evaluating the couples I have met at these events, I have come to the conclusion that marriage or a wedding is a highly commercialized and profitable event, and aside from a few exceptions mostly people get married because they see their other halves as a "good catch."
The "good catch" concept is universal: for women, men have to be:
1-rich
2-professional
3-from a good family
looks and similar tastes, etc are not important to women who like to have the perfect wedding and build a perfect family.
The female version of the "good catch" must be:
1-beautiful/hot enough
2-good family
3-quiet and obedient
Smarts and intellect come usually later, as some men don´t even care for these qualities.
Then comes the wedding, the gifts, the outfits, the party. When you find the good catch, you have to invite your friends and family and throw a lot of money so that they eat and get drunk and seem like they are very happy for you, then bring you a gift, all night you have to walk around, kiss and take a picture with people you dont even know (that is a turkish classic unfortunately), with a stupid cameraman on your ass (almost as in Real World: The Wedding), hope that you look good in the pictures and camera, and by the time that is all done, dance a bit and probably pass out on the way home, unless you use serious amounts of coke during the whole event.
My least favorite part of the wedding is when married friends ask when I would get married (i.e. when I would get myself into this craziness). I usually have the urge to say: "Hmm, let me think. The answer: NEVER!"
Don´ get me wrong, I am not cynical or bitter today, or ever, about the issue of marriage. I respect the people who can commit to each other for such long time. Whatever the reasons they are together, there is a chance they will be happily married for ever and have a wonderful life.
What usually pisses me off is when they ask us, those who dont buy this story and refuse the norms and look for a crazy partner who makes us see fireworks and loves us not because we are "the perfect catch," but they adore our imperfections. These kind of partners would probably be considered by the society as a "bad catch" who cannot afford a wedding where the guests get drunk for free another great summer night.
I do want to get married, one day. I used to fantasize about the wedding I like to do and who I would invite in order to have a great time. But instead of the wedding dress and the cake, mostly I enjoy fantasizing about an incredible wedding I would never forget, not the invitees.
One of these plans was to rent a circus, the guests will be seated as spectators watching a full circus act and me and my partner would get married after catching each other swinging from the trapeze. If we could manage to do that, I would call that a GOOD CATCH!
Then there was the Agatha Christiesque wedding party. People would be invited to a normal-looking party, but then suddenly someone would die, maybe the bride or groom, (faking it ofcourse) we would then call the cops, a detective (all actors) and seal off the exit until he discoveres the killer and applause, we would tell the guests what has really happened.
I also thought the idea of getting married in a boat, with a group of friends, sailing in the mediteranean, then getting off the boat in a small island and the ceremony is performed by our captain, on a restaurant literally on the beach, everybody is casually dressed, barefooted, eating fresh fish we caught that day, drinking wine and celebrating this important day, possibly skinny dipping at the end of the party.
Then there is my latest favorite, proposed by my new boyfriend: getting married while shooting a documetary in Iraq, in a bunker, with people we don´t know but they are geniunely sharing our happiness,considering the circumstances, with bombs exploding above us--similar to fireworks but definetely more mortal if you get too close-- and when we come back and people ask us, why we got hitched in Iraq, we tell them, "well you gotta go there to undestand!"--Needless to say I am almost sure he is my kind of catch! after he told me this, and I must be his because I would love to do it this way if I am going to get married one day.
There are 2 more weddings Ihave to attend before I finally can leave the city and go to the coast and swim. The first one will be a bore, another cliche wedding but I am hopeful that the one next saturday would be nice. The bride actually called me and warned me to wear flat shoes, because the party is at a park, open air and they are going to have a big barbecue! Last time I saw her, a week ago,she did not even have a wedding dress.
Cheers for now everyone, be merry...
