Unbreakable?

I finally gave in. I stopped denying the fact that I am heart broken. Yes, I am sad, because Jenry and I broke up. I have been denying it and try to keep myself busy with things, entertainment, friends, etc. it was part of my denial. And I recognize that my relationship with Javier, from the beginning, started in order to forget the fact that I was really really hurt when me and Jenry got separated, back in may, after years of (mostly) a great relationship, comfort, appreciation and admiration, pure love. I tried to replace Jenry with him and probably built the most unhealthy relationship that one can built, again denying all the signs that Javier did not even come closer to love me the way Jenry did, I made myself believe that there was some kind of happy ending to my affair with this emotionally unavailable person.

How did I finally see it? Two weeks ago I was hanging out with Juan, he was getting ready to close the restaurant, and let me read some of his writings, one of which was written after a break-up. He said his heart was broken then. I, arrogantly replied, “really, I don’t know how that feels, because my heart is never been broken!” As I was saying that,
I don’t remember it word by word but he put his pain into words in such way, I said to myself, “this is exactly how I feel,” maybe not as intense, but very similar. That was the moment I understood and accepted that my heart was broken too, first time since May.

Following this awakening, as many of my friends who previously had their hearts broken who told me to take my time and heal, finish the rebound, I am going to live and enjoy the process of being heart broken, and let it go. Concentrating in my projects, especially when one has a deadline to finish a book which can be much more difficult to write this time!

I feel great though, I am not confused anymore, it is all so clear. I also feel a bit more mature, and brave.